Friday, February 29, 2008

Hakeem Jeffries, Man of the People

After reports like this and this, your Cap'n was trying to imagine some of the conversations that led Assemblymember Jeffries to take such a strong stance on behalf of his constituents.

Law Partner: Hey Hakeem, guess what? I may not be able to afford the gold trim on my '09 Escalade.

Jeffries: Oh, Dave, how awful! I know how much you like having that trim every year. A new car just isn't as satisfying without it. Did the senior partners give you a small bonus?

Dave: No, it's that congestion pricing. They want me to pay the same to get into Manhattan as people from New Jersey!

Jeffries: The same? That is not fair! People coming from Jersey should always pay more! I'm going to put a stop to it!


Brodsky: Yo Hakeem! What up, my man? Did you hear about that congestion pricing?

Jeffries: It doesn't sound good to me.

Brodsky: It sure ain't. It's unfair to working families!

Jeffries: Working families! I think I have some of those in my district! I bet I have thousands, even! Oh my poor constituents!

Brodsky: They're all going to have to pay $5,000 a year just to get into Manhattan.

Jeffries: $5,000 a year! Some of them earn less than $40,000! They can't afford to pay $5,000 a year.

Brodsky: Then they won't be able to get into Manhattan. The city won't let them in.

Jeffries: But some of them have jobs in Manhattan! They need to get to work! ... Hey, wait a minute, Richard. I have an idea. I've heard rumors ...from a reliable source, mind you... that somewhere in my district there's a tunnel, and if you can get inside the tunnel, there's a train that goes all the way to Manhattan. If my working families could get on that train, I bet they could hide from the Congestion Pricing cameras.

Brodsky: No dice, Hakeem. How are they going to get their kids to private school?

Jeffries: Oh yeah, I forgot about that! I'm so out of touch.

Brodsky: Hakeem my man, when you're in the Assembly you have to always think about your constituents' needs. You forgot the piano and aikido lessons too.

Jeffries: Oooohhh! Those congestion pricing people are restricting my constituents' freedom!

Brodsky: And we gotta act fast! They're trying to shove this thing down our throats!

Jeffries: You're right, Richard! And they're being so disingenuous about it.

Brodsky: You got it, homie. Disingenuous and naïve. But they're no match for the working people of New York. Especially when the working people of New York are represented by progressive fighters for justice like you and me, and Jeff and Rory.

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